my power pop addiction, no. 94 (166)

The genius of Kiss is to have gotten eight-year-olds to hum songs about blow jobs as if they were as benign as London Bridges Falling Down. By my count there are at least five songs from the band’s Golden Age that use some form of the phrase ‘get on your knees’ (e.g. gets on her knees, got on her knees, goin’ down on her knees…). I also only realized much later on the real meaning of Gene’s tongue wagging. For a not insignificant stretch of time in my life, probably from about age 8 to 15, it was virtually impossible to snap a photo of me without me rockin’ a Gene Simmons pussy lickin’ tongue. I recently looked at photos taken of me 30 years ago at my Bar Mitzvah and my tongue is a-waggin’ on every last one of ‘em, almost as if it was some kind of nervous tic. My father looked at the pictures with me and said that he blames "all of that on the Kiss.” He’s cute that way, and he’s absolutely right. Gene Simmons introduced oral sex to America's very young and packaged it, along with Paul Stanley, in songs that seem now like they were specifically designed to stick in our minds with the power of Gorilla Glue. I can still sing every note of every song. Tonight’s song offers perhaps the strongest instance of the recurrent on-your-knees theme: So if you please, get on your knees / There are no bills, there are no fees / Baby I know what your problem is / The first step of the cure is…a KISS! Can there be any doubt but that the Gene's dick is shaped like a dollar sign? And it’s great pop, too, big and hard. Gene wouldn’t dream of giving it to you any other way…